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林俊傑-學不會[JJ - Never Learn] - 華納official 官方完整HD高畫質版MV

2012-01-09T23:18:00.000+08:00

超伤感，超好听……

2012-01-06T18:36:00.001+08:00

常会想为什么那么多综艺节目常会办一些无聊透顶的单元并取为《真相大挑战》之类的。其实很简单，真相往往让人不能接受，所以“听”就成了一种挑战。人经常沉迷于自己的错误，却不知道自己有错，反而把关心他们的人的忠告或想法看成是背叛、绊脚石，或不体谅。要知道，想害你的人永远不会让你知道你的错误，而是希望你一直错下去。在你埋怨身边的人不能好好的陪你分担烦恼时，想想他们是出于什么心态在提醒你。他们不是在责备你，是在恳求你看见他们心中的痛。

如果说多等于错多，那我也不想在劝了。只盼你早日感受到我的痛。

2012-01-06T15:26:00.000+08:00

为什么人总是不能检讨自己的过错，反而是要不停地怪罪于与身边的人？
忠言再逆耳，也只不过是希望有改过的机会。何时才会了解？何时才能体谅？

2012-01-04T00:52:00.000+08:00

彼此依赖，是爱不是负荷。
能握着手就是感动的。

2011-12-16T22:54:00.000+08:00

I really hate it when people who usually doesn't talk to me or sms me suddenly pop by and drop me a message asking about my result.

Stop it. No one's competing with you.

2011-12-16T16:36:00.000+08:00

成绩出来了。

还是那两个字，失望。

记得考完戏曲后，心情还算是愉快的，因为觉得应该有机会考取一个A。真的对戏曲抱有很大的信心……

总是学不会，把生命的一切看得淡一些……

步步惊心

2011-12-06T16:58:00.001+08:00

大约一个月前，赶在准备考试前看完了这部红遍大江南北的《步步惊心》。这部清朝穿越剧加深了我对于清代的兴趣，也让我觉得身处皇宫是多么可怕的事。算是我近期来看过最好的清装戏了（远远超越了《新还珠》！）

今天刚起床，翻开报纸，看到新传媒在《正义武官》播完以后要播放《步步惊心》，我整个人是兴奋到~尖叫！报上声称《甘榜情》的收视不如《爱》，想利用《步步惊心》争取之前七点档的重要地位。我当时在想，《步步惊心》肯定会收视超高，但不是因为播放于七点档，而是因为这部戏本来就是强势。管不了那么多，即使观看《步步惊心》是多么“步步虐心”，也务必要收看！哇！

这就是让我哭到整个魂都死掉了的一场戏！大悲！

那天看《快乐大本营》，一群出演《步步》的演员们上节目宣传，记得主持人谢娜很兴奋地说了那么一句“还珠格格播完了！九十多集敌不过三十多集呀！”。也许她这句话会得罪一些人，但还真的是实话。还没看《新还珠》的人，就别浪费时间看了。要看清装戏，就看《步步》呗！

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1

2011-11-26T19:15:00.001+08:00

Watched Breaking Dawn Part 1. I think it's the best so far. Can't wait for Part 2!

This movie is totally traumatising, and at the same time, beautiful.

The weddings vows, the bride (Bella looks gorgeous in the wedding gown), the love shared by the couple, as well as the baby. The idea of conceiving a baby with a vampire might sound stupid, but the feeling is so real and beautiful.

This is a very beautiful scene. It's beautiful because of the wedding vow. It's beautiful because we know they would never break this promise. It's beautiful because this is what makes the world beautiful.

It's heart-breaking to see Bella struggling to keep herself alive just to keep her child. Yet it's beautiful because the love for the child is so real.

I know tons of people out there think Twilight is rubbish. I don't know who they are. So, whatever. Who cares.

最懂你的摩羯座

2011-11-26T00:42:00.001+08:00

11月20至26日∶本周表演情绪严重，恋爱男女，将不断地自己挑起事端，试图用一些剧烈的实际行动来印证爱情的浓烈。（这很准，也很痛——痛彻心肺。）单身族则分不清自己是爱上了单恋的感觉还是爱上了对方。本周幸运色为深蓝色，幸运数字为1。

摩羯不善于安慰人和被人安慰。伤心时即使需要朋友，也只是需要朋友和他安静地待着，而不需要安慰。同理，在朋友伤心时，他不会花很多心思和语句去安慰，他也会陪朋友安静地待着，或者和朋友说些和做些别的事来引开注意力。

摩羯一个人看了一场看不懂的电影，四处张望，发现别人专注而陶醉，才忽然明白，孤独是什么。（一直都知道孤独是什么滋味……是不是很可悲？）

【摩羯的好气质】：1、执著但不固执。2、随和但不随性。3、出色但不出格。4、低调但不低俗。5、痴情但不矫情。6、自信但不自我。7、诱人但不缠人。8、计算但不算计。9、幽默但不油滑。10、潮流但不风流。11、忍耐但不隐忍。12、飘逸但不飘荡。

（1、执着也固执。2、不随和也不随性。3、不出色也不出格。4、低调但不低俗。5、痴情但不矫情。6、没有自信也没有自我。7、不由人也不缠人。8、我不知道。9、不幽默也不油滑。10、不懂潮流也不风流。11、忍耐但不隐忍。12、还是不知道。——对比以上与以下，若以上指的是“品质优良”的摩羯，那我算是失败的吧。）

2011-11-22T12:08:00.001+08:00

但愿我能来无影、去无踪。反正这苍茫的世界没有我的容身之处

2011-11-09T22:50:00.002+08:00

心情不好……听着老萧的这首《我在哭》也实在想哭。

心情不好……想念Angela，几时再发新专辑？

心情不好……为什么你不知道……

蕭敬騰~我不會愛

2011-11-08T01:43:00.000+08:00

好好听！

2011-11-06T16:23:00.002+08:00

当关心被人说成是讽刺……

当我以为你会说谢谢关心时，电话的这一边竟传来另一头的喊叫声时……

所有的委屈只能往肚子里吞

我不会再问了。不会再多说了。你想说，我自然会听，但我不会再开口了。

2011-10-25T22:21:00.001+08:00

Feeling DAMN AWFUL!
I think I should just go and bang my head on the wall and throw this stupid machine into the bin.

I just lost my reflection yesterday, and today another file's gone. and worse, it's a group work.

We spent 4 hours working on it, and it just disappeared. no temp files, no auto recovery, no backup copies, no history, nothing. It's just gone! Even after I saved. DAMN IT! I saved it! and IT'S GONE! Now i have to redo the whole thing.

DAMN IT!

2011-10-25T01:06:00.002+08:00

心情超不好！

昨天做了整天的反思报告竟然凭空不见掉！

做了整天的！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

现在要重做！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

想哭但是哭不出来！

2011-10-21T14:23:00.001+08:00

《记得》一首经典歌曲一次让你听六个版本（张惠妹方大同萧敬腾梁静茹林志炫林俊杰）

2011-10-11T01:37:00.000+08:00

最喜欢张惠妹和林俊杰的版本！（老萧的也很好听！）

2011-10-09T11:33:00.000+08:00

问问你自己，你真对我好？

因为想睡不能睡，骂我，要我饶了你。说我落井下石……

想睡就去睡，不想睡，觉得心情糟，就去找她吧。

反正我也不会知道。
反正主导权一直不在我这里。

心痛比快乐更真实

2011-10-09T00:24:00.003+08:00

为什么要让我体验这种心痛的感觉？

就让我窒息吧…

至少一了百了比痛不欲生好多了…至少不会再痛…

遗失的美好

2011-10-08T23:23:00.000+08:00

遗失的美好…

当这首歌再次让我泣不成声…

不小心当泪滑过嘴角，就用你握过的手抹掉… …

[Sina Entertainment] 父母拆台亲情淡漠张韶涵聊家人悲从中来

2011-09-30T16:52:00.000+08:00

I love Angela <3

2011-09-24T23:06:00.002+08:00

近水楼台先得月

两个人朝夕相处，日久生情，有没有可能？

为什么人家会问这样的问题？单纯是单方面的一厢情愿？

http://twitter.com/#!/mirinmai_ling
http://www.facebook.com/people/Myrin-Teo/662049158

好好的，谁会问一个有女朋友的人要不要和她在一起……

張韶涵－不痛

2011-09-24T18:00:00.000+08:00

没有看 Immortal Song. 很 EMO!

2011-09-21T23:21:00.002+08:00

优频道最近举办歌唱比赛……欣仪劝了我几天，由我陪她参加。

“趁年轻做一些有趣的事嘛，以后回想起来会回味无穷！” 她说……

http://www2.mediacorp.sg/IJustWannaSing/gallery.htm

就是这个网站。

今天她找来了伊婷陪她，然后让伊婷转告我，她真的很希望我去。我去了，她依然不停地尝试说服我，直到最后一分钟。但我推辞了。这虽然是很难得的机会，虽然错过了这个机会……但我也只能说，但对不起……所以我留下帮她们拍摄。至少，我参与了这个部分的工程。

她们选了燕姿的《我怀念的》。拿着相机，站在前面帮她们拍摄，然后在心里跟着唱，也未必无趣…… …… ……

一直到录完相，她还在问我，为什么不参加……

2011-08-30T03:07:00.000+08:00

今天不太完美…感觉人生很没有意义，感觉很无趣。感觉在虚度光阴，感觉异常疲惫。虽然什么也没做。

我想念爱爱涵涵。感觉全世界的艺人都来了，唯独你呀，Angela…
想念大一的生活，朝一个崭新的未来迈进，能够为自己所在乎的、得来不易的做出努力，多好。虽然大四相比之下好轻松，但不想毕业，讨厌面对社会。读书最好，谁会说不？
想念初院的生活，因为学业的关系而烦恼大增，但谁不爱那种近乎无忧无虑、我行我素的生活？
想念中学的时候，进入所谓叛逆期。虽然我也没真正叛逆过…总会令人怀念。上最喜欢的老师教的最爱的物理课。谁不向往？人们常说，中学时候交的朋友通常都会陪着我们走最长的路。敢问，何尝不是？唯独感恩、感谢能表达我现在的心情。
从开始到现在,我们一起走了四十七个月的路。脾气坏的我遇上脾气坏的你，会擦出怎样的火花？拭目以待。感觉这是世上所有的起起落落、美丑善恶都给我们碰上了，但始终没有想放弃的念头，虽然有时候真的觉得宰了你才能消我心头之恨啊！我的任性，只有让你继续承受下去了！

好像发泄完了。心情好多了。

P/S 刚才看了music bank，roly poly 和 mr simple 相当令人满意！还有…我还没做 project …突然找到真正会令人心烦的事了！

所以今天还是不太完美的…

2011-08-25T00:52:00.001+08:00

心情不好的时候……

会狂买零食
会狂吃那些狂买的零食
会听音乐
会无所事事
会感觉生命无常
会想放弃

开学第三周就遇到这样的事情，怎么继续下去？
第一次完全不想为 project 负责，因为觉得这次即使让我再努力个八百倍，也于事无补。
请问我应该怎么和你合作下去？

启动电脑，开启文件，盯着荧幕上所有的字……但找不到动手、动脑的动力。五个小时后，文件新添了约十几二十个字。好白痴。

宁愿去十个月的实习……
这件事有多么令人反胃，无需言语解释。

Unconventional uses of an iPad

2011-08-03T23:59:00.001+08:00

Check this out~

http://technology.xin.msn.com/mobile-and-gadgets/photos.aspx?cp-documentid=4977460

I was surprised they didn't mention teaching. Or maybe I shouldn't, because I suppose Mr Tay is one of the first few (Chinese) teachers to teach using an iPad. This is probably one good reason as to why I shouldn't hate apple. (Or maybe I just feel like sick seeing people using the oh-so-common iphone?)

At least I now know iPad has its plus points, and is worth buying.
So, Apple lovers, forget iphone5, get an iPad.

2011-08-03T23:12:00.000+08:00

最讨厌有些人常自以为是，常常自认为自己是大忙人，高不可攀。

“快点，我有很多东西要做！”
“快点，我现在很热！”
“快点，我打算在xx点之前睡觉，不要浪费我的时间！”

在这种时候，只有爱爱涵涵不会对我大摆架子！

Harry Potter woes

2011-07-10T04:15:00.000+08:00

I am very upset, because I can't watch Harry Potter on the 14th.
Very upset, because I have not completed my lesson plans.

Give me 12 more hours per day, anyone?

=(

2011-06-18T00:51:00.001+08:00

今天，心情依然很差。莫名地差。也无需任何理由。什么事都没心情做。今天除了看电视节目和下载教案之外，还真是无所事事。讨厌这种感觉。

was checking email yesterday when I saw this notification from facebook.

this is obviously an all-girl gathering. hmm.. but damn.
i don't know what to say...

***

我要你的 - 张韶涵

我要你的不是你所谓的爱
我付出的对你只是空白
是是我太习惯对你依赖
我的存在从不更改却和你无关
我竟然宁愿看不见你给的伤害

我像一个小孩
你却放任我离开
留下我在原地哭喊的无奈
我爱的那么明白
你却笑着没收我的爱
要我等待却忘了回来

我要你的是你说过的未来
可是你做的却总是相反
是是我太容易被你看穿
我的勇敢我的心软全被你打乱
我竟然宁愿看不见你给的伤害

我像一个小孩
你却放任我离开
留下我在原地哭喊的无奈
我爱的那么明白
你却笑着没收我地爱
要我等待却忘了回来
哎~
你却笑着没收我的爱
要我等待却忘了回来
嘿~耶像一个小孩

当我没有力气再前进
你就能将一切重来

我要你的不是你所谓的爱
我要你的不是那些剩余的陪伴
我要你的不是也许或应该
在拥抱以后决定看不见你给的伤害

我像一个小孩
你却放任我离开
留下我在原地哭喊的无奈
我爱的那么明白
你却笑着没收我的爱
要我等待却忘了回来
哎~
你却笑着没收我的爱
要我等待却忘了回来

这歌词，我很喜欢。感觉很反映现实。

2011-06-17T00:41:00.000+08:00

Practicum supervisor list was out yesterday.

Why am I so unlucky?

Yesterday was a bad day.

Tomorrow will be a better day. I hope.

2011-06-15T02:34:00.000+08:00

社会与现实，是两个密不可分的概念。说到社会，不可能不谈及现实。谈及现实，更是离不开社会的话题。这个社会，没有人是能够独自生存的。金钱上、情感上、或者任何个人私欲方面，不可能存有百分百的独来独往。因为利益关系，因为这是现实。

人与人的感情很微妙。不同人为了各种不同的原因结识“朋友”。有些人是单纯的想要结交朋友，有些人是为了宣泄寂寞，有些人是为了生意、为了金钱，有些人是为了要满足自己的虚荣心，有些人想要……有好多好多的原因，有些可能是我都没法想象的。

如果我有选择的余地，能够选择不需要“朋友”，不需要顾及现实、社会、人际关系等等，我会选择整天呆在家，就做自己想做的事，不受外面的世界干扰。这整个社会已被政治、个人贪念与科技污染，有时候觉得呆在家是最“安全”的。有时候会想，自己需不需要朋友，需不需要补外边的人打好关系，需不需要做任何事都要顾及日后的交流。等等等等。常常觉得其实我自己一人也没什么关系，反正不上社交网站、不和人聊天、不回电邮。反正大伙儿出去玩时，常常觉得没法参与，不知道怎么参与。勉强是没有幸福的。我相信，因为曾经体会。也许是我自命清高？又或者对朋友的要求太高？不管那么多，总之我认为，与其那么辛苦，倒不如一个人了的自在！反正大从中学开始就常常会有人说我孤僻。之至现在……有时会介意，但很多时候不想理会。一个人活着如果只是为了满足别人对自己的要求、为了解释自己的行为，那不是太可悲，是什么？

四月二十五日考完试之后，除了台湾的事情之外，我几乎没踏出门。和所有朋友见面也不超过五次。每天呆在家里重复做同样的事情，但不觉得闷。更不会因为没出门，快闷死了！

嗯……有点语无伦次了。为什么会说这些？因为刚刚在思考一个问题：如果没有电话，我“活得下去”吗？答案是，可以。因为电话仅仅是让他人找到我的一个工具。因为我太被动，是大众不会主动找人聊天、主动联络他人的人。但这并不表示我不关心那些我在乎的人。我相信了解我性格的人会理解这一点。

有一个人常常问我，为什么成天都在为一些小事发脾气，常常计较一些小事。那是因为，宇宙万物都是由种种的小事凑合而成的。如果连那些所谓“无谓”的“小事”都弃而不理，那还能成事吗？或者，回到原点，问一问自己，是不是自命清高？是不是要求太高？是不是非要要求身边的每一个人达到我为他们订的要求？是不是太固执？太钻牛角尖？太幼稚，因为希望、认为事事都能顺着自己的自认理想的结果发展？

又不知道重点在哪里了。

六月二十七日开始，到学校实习五个星期。期待，不。担心，非常。性格造就了一个人的心理素质，也间接决定了一个人办事的习惯。因为原本就是自信心超低的人，再加上那“想太多”的性格，所以常常担心太多。这次的实习和前两年的不一样。前两年，学习制要求我们到课堂上“观察”上课情况。即使去年的实习，两位协导老师，甚至整个华文部，给足了我学习的机会，让我试教、代课等等，但那也只算是冰山一角（虽然当时曾因为承受不了那突如其来的压力而常以泪洗面……）。这次是真的需要教课，当协导老师、督导讲师、部系主任等在教师后方评估你的教学状况时，那种压力是局外人所无法理解的，尤其当它关系到你将来的事业。这次实习的学校是蔡厝港小学，据一般情况而言，这所小学很有可能就是我将来任教的学校，所以千万不能有差错。去年实习的督导讲师刚好也负责蔡厝港小学的实习生，所以今年被派到那里，我更是担心，甚至害怕！基于社会原因，不便在这里多说（不是说自由言论吗？才怪。是骗人的把戏。）。与朋友提起时，他们唯一问我的是，“当时有没有和他吵？”好在，没有，虽然，真的好在，只在一念之间……我差一点就忍不住顶回他。怎么能任他无故批评取消？当时确实是估计他的那份评估，所以才把苦水往肚子里吞。要不，可能实习会不及格。

这就叫做现实。社会就是如此残酷、虚假。什么叫智者生存？也许就指这一点。要怎么看待这“智”与“生存”的意义和方向，这不同人也自然会有不同的诠释。

一个人要在这个社会上生存，必须要靠一些人际关系。这是可悲，还是幸运？

2011-04-15T20:01:00.000+08:00

I know I should be studying... but I have things to say~

Ah.. I remember saying I don't feel excited about the Taiwan. I am starting to feel it now~ hmm..
I think I would get lots of things back. haha

If I can get these things, I would definitely buy a lot of them back~
1) PLENTY of facial masks.
2) skincare products, definitely cheaper than what we get here in Singapore.
3) CDs (I'm very sure we would visit the music stores haha) - If they are significantly cheaper? haha (AND OH MAYBE I CAN GET SOME ANGELA MERCHANDISES BACK~)
4) food.
5) clothes
6) shoes

okay that's all I can think of so far. I couldn't imagine how I much I would spend.

Anyway, talking about exams...

希望这次能够做得比上学期好，不但想补回上次留下的“大洞”，还想突破之前的GPA……但愿希望不是奢望。共占五学分的教学法（四）是最能帮助我扳回一局的学科，希望一切顺利。好在，两位老师都对我们很好，不断地帮助我们。胡老师和黄老师，谢谢！希望那占一学分的能够做得好，更希望“自命清高、自认非常有道德”的老师能够睁开眼睛，不要把我们绊倒。

上学期考得不理想，不希望历史重演。还记得上次在朋友面前落泪，感觉非常不好受。原本想掩饰，所以大家在积极讨论成绩时，为我一人保持沉默。但当淑芬看着我，问“怎么了”时，因为太难过，所以失态了。最终还是没法瞒过大家。当然，考试成绩公布，有人欢喜有人愁，这是非常正常的事。说我不懂得释怀，罢了。为什么那么难过，只不过是数字，只不过是退步，等等等等。但我所付出的努力，没人能够了解。没人能够了解。而且，努力维持的成绩，说掉就掉了那么多，谁不难过。有一点要补充的是，虽然一开始有相以朋友的（更高的）标准为目标，但现在已不这样想了。所以，那时候当朋友对我的难过感到“莫名其妙”时，我没法接受她所说的话。

“3.xx也要这样？你考得比我好很多！那我不是要去死？真的！”说完后，她的表情，我还记得。

我想说，我没有想要和你竞争的意思，以后也没那个打算。我是以我一直以来的成绩为标准，以我一直以来的表现给自己定下更高的目标。你考得比我好，考得比我差，其实对我来说没有影响。当然，如果我们共同完成一份作业，但最终你考得比我好，我会花很长时间想原因，但我不会因为你做得比我好，而觉得自己做得不好（如果是我满意的成绩）。同样的，我也不会因为你做得比我差，而认为自己表现得非常好……

说者无心，听者有意。说话前，先想想会不会伤到人……

好了。备考去~

2011-04-11T19:58:00.000+08:00

刚剪了头发……自己剪。

这就是我的头发！

结果怎样？

剪坏了

2011-04-06T03:07:00.001+08:00

我是应该怪你，还是应该感谢你，让我有史以来，第一次……直接对NIE的朋友表示不满（非常不满！）

不管怎样，你应该感到自豪，成为第一位我NIE朋友当中，首位“承受”（不该说承受，因为错不在我）我脾气的人。莫怪我。或说，你没资格怪我对你感到不满。一般情况下，我不满意任何事情，……，我都会忍。事实上，我也忍了你一学期之久。今天生气，算你幸运。恭喜你。

回家想了一番，越想越气。虽然有闪过一个念头，是不是太小气，或是不是在对人不对事（本人承认我从一开始就对你不满意）。但不管了。你让我在他人面前露出对你的不满，要我忘记你今天是何等过分，慢慢等吧。

祝福你……那不顾他人感受、低情商、和爱批评他人的性格不会阻碍你的前程。

最后，（就算说我太过分我也要说）为人师表？你还不够格！

2011-03-31T22:53:00.001+08:00

模拟教学终于结束了！累了几天，忙了几天，终于结束了！连续几天在学校呆到晚上十点。很累！今天终于能够重见天日，在天还没暗之前离开学校。

为了这次的模拟教学，我们真得花了很多的时间和脑力。有时候会受气，有时忍了下来，有时用婉转的方式暗示……总之不是非常的顺利。把所有的精力和时间花在这模拟教学上，其他学科的作业都忽略了。现在开始，必须赶紧把这些空缺补上。

准备的过程中，在教案的设计方面遇到了不少问题，有课堂管理方面的，也有教学设计等等等。常常会结伴去找黄老师。这次真的是多亏他，我们的教学设计和模拟教学才能顺利进行。前天我们到他办公室找他，整整用上了他两小时的时间。而且他还传授了我们一些方法，让我们能用于今天的模拟教学。今天模拟教学后的问答时间，他还帮了我们不少忙。太好了！

欣仪说我们应该向老师道谢，我想那是应该的吧……

这是今天模拟教学后拍的照片。

那黑色塑胶布告栏是我们的心血！

还有很多事情得做，但就是想做些无聊事。因为这几天真的是脑力大激荡……

JJ Lin 林俊傑 - I AM MV

2011-03-10T22:45:00.000+08:00

Brilliant song!

It's when I'm weak, then I am strong~

2011-03-09T02:35:00.000+08:00

每天在学校面对这些认识了三年的朋友…

觉得我努力了。努力想要参与、努力想要得到大家的认同。为了拉近距离，尝试敞开胸怀，尝试在网上搜寻他们偶像的小资料。SuJu，从一开始的感觉陌生和排斥，到现在的认识和（认同？？？）等，都是为了“沟通”两个字。他们看不到。但要知道，所有事情的发生都是有原因和过程的。

相处的时候，那些笑声和愁闷都失真的。我也很珍惜现在相处的时候，但总觉得很怪…有的时候…

有时觉得力不从心，有时觉得吃力不讨好，有时觉得恰到好处，有时觉得…

台湾之旅，最大的原因的毕业旅行（吧），其次也是为了拉近那距离。朋友都表现得很兴奋，每一次讨论都带了很多资料。很多时候，我坐在那里，不知道要说什么。朋友问，你又想去的地方吗？我没直接回答。因为我根本不懂。没找资料。不兴奋？不期待？不知道。但的确是不兴奋。

其实最希望是能找到能够合拍的。

2011-03-05T22:28:00.001+08:00

本土天王 JJ 林俊杰今天（三月五日）在新加坡室内体育馆举行他的第三场个人演唱会。特别嘉宾？萧敬腾。

有卖点。演唱会应该会不错。应该会昌很多脍炙人口的歌。

今天，错过了。错过了三个演唱会。第四个就不想再错过了！

正在听他的最新专辑《她说》。她说，他说…我说，这专辑真的不错呢！

2011-02-16T23:21:00.000+08:00

什么叫过了21岁生日就是成年人了？
我从来都不能理解。

说我任性也好，说我生在福中不知福也好。我讨厌大家把我当小孩子看待。

2011-02-09T04:53:00.000+08:00

what is this...

I'm still doing my lesson plan at 5am in the morning. and it's so late (late in the morning -.-) that I don't feel tired anymore. this is crazeeey~

anyway, i'm going to bed. to sleep. for the sake of sleeping. shall get up at 6 plus to continue. then set off for school at 10am..

lalalala. it's elmo song...

hais..

2011-02-05T22:30:00.000+08:00

I hate to stay in this place.

为什么每一次都在暗中丢掉、撕掉我的东西？！

2011-02-05T02:36:00.000+08:00

大年初二。

今年新年，感觉不是很愉快。因为烦功课，赶功课。讨厌的 traffic police 害我不能去拜年。刚看完《神话》，主题歌依然是那么的好听！

<p>&amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;，k可可&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;gt;</p>

明天初三，后天初四，大后天就上课了。新年不应是这样的。=(
现在还在找资料！啊！！

Hmm.. anyway, saw this on Kai Ngee's blog, and I thought this is really nice.

and this is nice too. I know bro likes this too. cos he always goes "hot times~"

<p>&amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br /&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt; br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;gt;</p>

最后当然还有亲爱的张韶涵！

郁闷…

2011-02-01T01:57:00.000+08:00

I'm extremely frustrated! so I stayed up till so late for nothing. Just for your sorry? oh please!

This semester is freaking irritating. Driving me crazy. everybody.

ROAR!

2011-01-18T20:00:00.000+08:00

I hate Ethel.

I know a lot of people feel upset with their AMX results. But by telling someone your results suck in front of someone who did worse..

whatever. I hate Ethel.

2011-01-16T16:10:00.000+08:00

才开学一星期，作业就堆成小山了。开学第一天，就必须开始准备报告，大家都吓了一跳。还以为能“休息”一星期，调整好心态后才开始努力。没想到~

明天要交上教案。老师说能使用以前编写的。决定用之前 practicum 时准备的。记得当时叶老师和傅老师同时间要求我做教案时，没办法接受。但现在想想，和其他朋友相比，我想我是相当幸运的。至少我在教案和教学这方面有较多的经验。要感谢两位老师！

现在要准备宋词和古代语法辅导课的资料。
想玩。《绝代》还没读完啊！闷~
新年衣还没买。但买了三双鞋。虽然还想再买。鞋子是永远买不够的！

弟弟的‘O’水准考试成绩很棒，看到他成绩单的那一刻非常开心，也觉得很欣慰。一直在喊“弟！你考全部As！全部As！” 他在考试前和考试期间一直在玩。玩电脑游戏，玩 ipod，上 youtube 等。几乎没碰课本。Prelims 的成绩不理想，尤其是 A Maths。当时一直想到自己以前的情况。纵使再努力，还是不及格，八十分的考试得二十分是常有的事。感慨。害怕他不争气、放弃。。。最后得知他高分过关，感觉好像是自己高分过关。很高兴。虽然要面对现实，那怎样都不是我的成绩。是的，是有介意为何自己的成绩怎样也比不上他们的。所以也失落了一阵子。但成绩不是一切。我知道。（希望我以后不是个 results oriented）的教师，学生会很痛苦。我最能理解这个道理了。

hhmmm... 准备资料去。byebye...

2010-12-22T12:18:00.000+08:00

I removed the cbox, cos the spammings are irritating. Any comments just comment under each post.

Just registered for the modules for next semester. 5 modules in total.

Classical Chinese Grammar (Take a lot of courage to choose this, cos I did badly for Chinese Grammar in year 2. But Shiling told me only one person chose "Selected Readings in Chinese Linguistics" last year. 所以，我没有勇气选！)
Song Ci
Teaching of Chinese Language 3
Teaching of Chinese Language 4
Teaching of Civics and Moral Education 2

希望下学期人性化一点。

Today is already the 22nd. 2010 is coming to an end. 2011 is only 9 days away. Hate this. Hate this. Hate this. Hate this. Hate this! Y3S2, Y4S1, Y4S2. Left with 3 semesters. I seriously hope time would stop at Y4S2. I don't mind to keep on studying and studying. I don't want to graduate.. as in.. grauduation means school posting. What follows school posting is teaching, and teaching is... what?

oh well.. bye..

2010-12-21T16:43:00.003+08:00

放假五天了。五天前才刚考完试，感觉像是过了很久。这学期很疯狂。几乎每个星期都必须呈交报告。几乎每天只睡两、三个小时。每天都在与时间赛跑。第一次遇到一个让痛恨的老师，卑鄙无耻、自认清高、有知识有水准，其实不过是臭名远播的 part-time teacher。讨厌这女人！这学期好苦！没有 recess week，一对东西等着做、等着交。一度认为撑不下去，一度想放弃。

（当时还真想放弃，那女人的 essay 乱写一通，随便交上。但最后还是坚持下去。最后换来她一句，“This essay is so badly written! Painfully written to meet the word limit!”）最后给我个 C。看了有多难过。当时朋友都在。差点就哭了出来。本在不停的埋怨，说自己有多用心在做，她认为我写得再差也不该说那种话，而且 C 是多么大的打击，肯定把 CGPA 拉下！但朋友多说过了就算了，也不能怎样。当时在场的人都拿了个 B，感觉没人真正在听我说话。当时眼泪都快流下，忍着，然后说了这么一句“要是你们，也会这样啊！” 啊！崩溃！当时就把那女人不停地骂、不停地咒，以后最好不要让我碰上她儿子，不然要他好看！。“那你能把她怎样！你在这里生气难过，她还不是好好的。你能怎样？”当时想都没想，就说，“想把她给吃了！！” 有人说：“你不会反胃吗？”说的也是。。。总之，教育学院，我最讨厌的就是这女人！

这个月下来，花了好多钱。到目前为止，应该有至少六百块吧。心疼！开学后开销应该没那么大了吧。想是。这几天做了什么？玩、休息、阅读、追看《爱》和《破天网》，也没什么戏是我能看得了。=（

把 Adeline Yen Mah 的 Falling Leaves 读完了。非常棒的自传。小时候读过这本书的儿童版。从此就一直在找那成人版。几个月前找到时，简直开心得不得了。

最近在 youtube 看啥呢？

2010-12-03T18:48:00.002+08:00

Preparing for exams now

starts at 7/12 and ends at 16/17. going to pray hard that my GPA maintains.

2010-11-28T11:56:00.000+08:00

Creative Zen X Fi Style.

back to work.. essay essay~

2010-11-26T05:16:00.000+08:00

I just finished my essay. time check: 5:13am

shall catch some sleep, and wake up early later for school.

School is tiring. so tiring. but 晓馨 told me to enjoy this process because we won't be as busy from Y3S2 onwards. ok...

2010-11-26T00:49:00.000+08:00

Work, time, stress and mood come together, and complement each other. If people don't understand and choose to continue the bombardment of blamings and criticisms, then the only thing I can do is to stay true to myself, support myself, console myself, give myself a pat on the back, dry my own tears, and then, do my own things. Life is like that. We must learn to live with it.

2010-11-22T19:48:00.000+08:00

发高烧38.5度
全身红红烫烫，感觉快要烧起
咳得说不出话
什么事都做不了

这些都不是我要的。为什么要因此责备我。
算了。明天自己去看医生。
反正从小到大，生病都会被骂，只是不知道为什么。

2010-11-21T21:45:00.001+08:00

I'm feeling all sick and groggy. slept. took med. still the same. and my work's all lagging behind.

tell me what to do. what to do. what to do. what to do.

2010-11-21T10:01:00.000+08:00

Very busy these few weeks.. have been sleeping at 3am to complete all the work. very very tired..

completed the ed psy presentation yesterday. like finally. the group project is hell. Friday I got so fed up with everyone that I walked away. It's a group work, I shouldn't be the only one adhering to all the deadlines. Good thing it's over. Don't want to have anything more to do with them.

Fri and Sat, mum last minute informed me to attend my grandpa's 过世三年的ceremony. Fell sick. 所以昨天的presentation我是抱病上场的. Yesterday after I got home, I slept for 3 hours, woke up for dinner, and went back to sleep again. till now I still feel very unwell. the feeling's like going to die soon. Usually if I don't feel well, I'll recover the next day. But that's not the case now, which means i'm really not feeling well. i still have so many things to do, and I didn't do anything on fri and sat. tell me how i'm going to die.

shit.

2010-11-10T08:50:00.001+08:00

An update...

1) Yay, I got my hot pink hair straightener!

2) I've submitted my translation essay and done my Chinese History presentation. So tired! have been going to bed at 3am and getting up early for school. and after these two assignments, I have...

Singapore Chinese project meeting 11/11
Ed Psy meeting 12/11
AMX e-learning due 12/11 (which I have not started because of the essay and presentation. haiz..)
Singapore Chinese presentation 15/11
Chinese History essay 16/11
AMX e-learning2 due 19/11
Ed psy presentation 20/11 (It's a Saturday!)

So tired =(

笑话

2010-11-06T12:09:00.000+08:00

一位初级学院的化学老师把“尔东陞”念为“尔东隆”。她说，“不是念隆吗？乾隆的隆！”

啼笑皆非。

2010-11-05T00:10:00.000+08:00

Four assignments to do over the "long" weekend. supposedly long weekend. But really, i only have Sunday to do my stuff. like shit.

2010-10-28T22:35:00.000+08:00

失望有何用？反正一开始就是自己在一厢情愿的感觉兴奋。反正早应该想到会这样。

人生本就是希望和失望的总合。谁的人生没有失望？只不过是期望越高，失望越大罢了。

还能怎样？做作业去。

2010-10-27T01:55:00.000+08:00

好累啊！即使刚才喝了咖啡，还是那么的累。有什么办法，要赶功课。当所有作业的呈交日期相近，又没有 Recess Week 时，就意味着痛苦的降临。要说什么呢。。。

其实今天一整天电脑都是开着的。屏幕就显示着刚刚在做的报告。但也许因为太疲倦的关系，根本没有办法达到那标准的效率，但又坚持不睡，所以一直僵在电脑前，几乎什么都没做。太笨了。这倦意是从上星期一直延续下来的，今天还睡迟了，郁闷百倍。放学回家，做了一些有的没的，为的是要“松懈身心”、“消除疲劳”，过后才会心甘情愿做作业。总之就是不敢睡，怕一睡就睡上几个小时。

可是，很累！很累啊！

唉，算了。反正，我不孤单。肯定也有和我一样，在做作业，即使很累了，即使，快两点了。

一口气写了三百多个字。做作业能够这样“一鼓作气”的话，那该多好。

呀，突然想到恶作剧之吻。虽然难过它已播完了，但至少每逢周四、周五，我可以把期待看这部戏的动力搬到做作业上。

好累啊。累。

做作业去。。。

2010-10-24T01:58:00.000+08:00

I'm now doing my English assignment, and it's really frustrating. This by right, is supposed to be a two-hour test that we have to complete during our tutorials. But the lecturer is "very kind" (as what they said) to switch this to a take-home quiz and let us have the luxury of doing this at home. And so, we're given three days to complete.

I started on this assignment since morning. like wth, I'm still doing it. Because we need to link the answers to the texts, and in order to do so, we have to read and understand all the texts. which is like, a whole stack of papers. Well, my English is very poor, so I took a day to read, and re-read, and re-re-read... (considering the fact that I have already done some of the readings earlier on but still couldn't absorb). Gosh, my English is so bad! Considering the stereo-typing fact that all Singaporean Chinese are better in English than in Mandarin. Oh, where do I stand then? I'm bad at English, and not good enough in Chinese. I better dig a hole and hide.

ok.. done with my ramblings. back to work.

2010-10-23T10:32:00.000+08:00

难过，因为恶作剧之吻播完了。=(

去做作业了。

2010-10-18T23:37:00.000+08:00

Hmm, feel kind of emo today. I know I should be working on my assignments, but ya..

meant to spend the weekend on assignments, cause I thinking I'm lagging behind, though there's still SOME time left. So yesterday I got Ah Leo to come over to my house and study with me. oh yah, and he did, so he spent 5 hours studying, and I spent the time doing what? His iPhone. I felt freaking emo and guilty yesterday, after he went back. So I carried on from where I stopped, before he was here. I was more productive by then, I already wasted a couple of hours. emo emo. Then today I went to school, Vivian happily exclaimed that she has completed her translation essay, and Jia Hui has completed the draft ones of her ed psy and translation essays. I got more emo. =(

I hate iPhone. =(

Then I got so stressed, I started complaining in front of the friends, told them how much I hate doing projects with idiots who don't do work. I really complaint, not that whining type, kind of agitated. I was feeling freaking frustrated just now. really.

and this morning, we were supposed to meet up to discuss the scope and our findings for Singapore Mandarin. We arranged to meet and confirmed the date and time last Monday, but this morning only half the group members turned up. They say they thought it wasn't confirmed. Some didn't apologise. But I spent like one to two hours searching for information online yesterday. so? well, what can i say? I am not angry, just uncomfortable. I don't know how to describe this feeling. I know everybody is busy with assignments and projects and everything, so if some can fork out time to do some work, why can't the rest do so?

freaking people. freaking nonchalance. freaking ed psy project.

I am feeling very tensed up now.

freaking irritated.

off to listen to Angela's songs to calm my nerves before I continue with my assignment.

2010-10-16T17:35:00.000+08:00

被人冤枉的感觉。谁会理解？为什么要把无罪说成有罪？有罪说成死罪？

忙里偷闲

2010-10-13T10:45:00.000+08:00

From:

http://goods.gmarket.com.sg/gmkt.inc/Goods/Goods.aspx?goodscode=400986227

http://www.budcosmetics.com/

2010-10-12T17:47:00.000+08:00

最近淑芬常常提到陈晓东的歌。回想当年，常常听那些歌曲，再想想现在蔡依林那种没文化没深度的歌。。现在的乐坛到底在卖什么？肉（当然，只有那几位。你我知道的那几位。）或实力？

so random...

2010-10-10T02:56:00.000+08:00

Working on Educational psychology e learning assignment. It's due next Friday, but thank goodness it's so much easier as compared to the individual essay.

schedule is very packed. as can be seen from the calender. hmm. there's so much to do. tell me what to do?

went out with Kaingee today =) had soup spoon for lunch. like the food there. very nice and filling! Spent quite a bit of money, but I finally got my pumps, like after so long. woohoo! but i like the wedges too =( tired after a whole day of shopping and walking. watched episode 11 and 12 of 恶作剧之吻, and did my school work. very nice! but i hope it ends soon, so i have one less show to watch and more time for assignments.

I think I need to be more focused, and motivated when it comes to writing essays. hoho. sometimes i take my time looking for articles and information, and sometimes I got so hooked to the process that I find more than I need. I can build my personal e-library with the numbers of informative journal articles I have. maybe can derive some earning possibilities from this.

and, how much can a person influence another's living habits, behaviors, character etc? I'm pondering over what Minister Mentor said about his late wife in the eulogy. human feelings are so profound.

feel like playing coin dozer and cookie dozer. ar. went to google some cheats for these games and i found out that there's coin dozer machine at queenstown shopping centre. coooool! I want to try it out some day!

damn. there's an insect in the room. going to bed.. good night..

so, what's on for tomorrow?
1) ed psy e learning
2) ed psy individual essay
3) read up for tuesday's chinese history tutorial
4) read up on translation assignment
5) read up on chinese history presentation. best if i can fix on a topic tomorrow.

this is so much work. kinf od ambitious. don't think I can do everything......

want some chocolate and green tea and koko crunch and potato chips and shihlin chicken chop and korean food and japanese food and pasta and many many more.....

2010-10-05T00:28:00.000+08:00

星期六开始，就一直在忙 Ed Psy 的小组作业。忙碌之余，也只有看电视节目才能真正摆脱那做作业的痛苦。值不值得，我不知道。其实好像不是那么值得。五人一组的小组作业，真正在做事的只有两三位。其他人，坐享其成。告诉你们，守株待兔是没有好下场的。只会仗着别人的势力和实力办事的人，总有一天会败得很惨。这种人，往往都是社会的败类，将来不可能会有什么成就。千万不要忘记。

小组作业，顾名思义，就是一组人一起讨论、一起完成的作业。但，根本不成立嘛。

这作业根本不难，其实一个人就能完成。我也能单独完成！你也能吧！只是选择懒惰，懒惰到这样的地步？

刚才利用午餐时间和朋友很快速地讨论其中的论点。连吃饭都要快。我说，“Don't you feel frustrated? We're here doing so much things and they are there relaxing and pushing the datelines and responsibilities to us?” 她说，“As long as you do your part well...”。也对，一个人最重要就是要问心无愧。把自己该做的事做好，对得起自己，对得起大家，最重要的和他们不一样。还没讨论多少，我就得去上课。刚刚看完《无花果》，就得继续修改这份作业。这样的努力，谁看得见？老师看不见。不做事的人更看不见。我一个人懂有什么用？这世界就是那么不公平。丑陋的人类，永远那么自私。

都没什么时间做自己的作业。郁闷。

冲凉去。
再见。

2010-10-04T17:42:00.002+08:00

I like this =(

http://goods.gmarket.com.sg/gmkt.inc/Goods/Goods.aspx?goodscode=400986227

2010-10-02T00:13:00.000+08:00

你说你很孤单。

人往往都是在孤单的时候才会做出一些和平常不一样的事。
人往往也是在孤单的时候才会容易让外来因素给影响。
或许那所谓的外来因素已潜伏已久，正等待着时机引发效应。
到那时候，对谁的伤害最大？

2010-09-28T01:39:00.000+08:00

明天会和Vivian一起去冲洗照片。二零零六年到现在的照片。还有几十张在脸书，始终没去取。=( 看着那些照片，不禁感叹，时光飞逝。初院时期的学生生涯，那些和朋友谈笑风生地过去，历历在目。真想念Hi5。四年了。这四年，我经历了好多。从考A水准到成绩放榜，到报考大学，到考不上大学，到上班，再到重新报考大学，到被教育学院录取，最后，就到现在。我改变了多少，我不知道。只知，往事如云烟。感觉以前的世界单纯很多，现在，常常在想，谁是真心、谁是假意。谁会利用你，谁不会。以前哪会管这些。因为成人的世界就是那么的复杂。接受也好，不接受也罢，这始终是事实。四年。好长的时间。但真正算起来，也不算久。开学前和一些初院的朋友叙旧，感觉很不错。虽然好像有点冷场，不过真的很不错。因为没想到还能见面。觉得很奇妙。多年不见的朋友在路上碰面还能认出对方是谁，甚至还能说出名字。是因为外表没太大的变化，还是因为曾经在彼此的生活中留下印记，所以才能记得？我认为是后者，听起来比较不肤浅。那天凯妮说，思敏要结婚了。那天晚上在Bukit Panjang Plaza 我就遇见了她，和宇燕。眼神交错的那一刻，我们就认出对方来了。

还有，为什么有些人的友情能够持久，有些人的却经不起考验？我很庆幸，我身边的朋友一直没有离开过。是我幸运有她这位朋友，还是她幸运有我这位朋友？我想，是我幸遇。我不善言语，不喜欢多说话，有时甚至沉默寡言，这我从中学就知道。有些人会因为我这样认为我傲慢，不易接近，有些却能接受，并且理解。

人，为什么要交朋友？不同的人可能有不同的动机，有些可能因为认为一个人好利用，有些可能出于真心想交你这个朋友。我觉得，大学是一个很考验人心的地方。很多人会欺骗你、有些会利用你、另一些会陷害你、最后可能还会有人见风使舵，见那里有好处，就讨好哪一方。当然，虽然我受不了某些人只会评不会说、只会说不会做，但在这里我也没有针对任何人。再当然，虽然我讨厌某些人不肯付出那一丁点的努力，只会伸手向人要答案的人，但在这里我还是没有针对任何人在说。所有人都是这样吗？都因为有好处，为了那利益，而做某些事吗？

我记得，两年前，刚进教育学院不久，我曾哭着说，我在大学没朋友。当时，很彷徨、很无助，担心接下来的四年我会一个人度过我的大学生涯。好在，当时的想法没成现实。

那时在lecture看见Mr. Dennis Yeo，我第一个想到的就是他四年前，接近我们考A水准时说的话，他让我们想想，八个月后，我们会在哪里。八年后，我们又会在哪里。他让我们把自己的想法写下，甚至是梦想，通通写下。我记得我写八个月后我会在国大念科学系。好理想化的想法，但确实是我的梦想。曾几何时，我因为没达到那个目标而变得消沉，感到绝望。我现在再怎么喜欢教育学院、再怎么喜欢我们中文系，还是不能骗自己，这不是我的第一选择。刚才到家时看见桌上教育不及来的信件。说我会拿到那两千五百元的stipend。信上又附上了教育部花在我们身上的钱。还说，若我们违约，我们将要赔偿$111,061.45。我吓到了。数目好大。万一，真的万一，我违约，怎么办。

郁闷。

不说了。整理照片去，虽然脸书上的不能拿。我想，算了。

晚安。早安。

2010-09-24T22:23:00.001+08:00

工作环境的变化会导致一个人性格上的变化。其变化是任何人都无法想象的。除非你是这变化的受害者。人为什么要改变呢？

2010-09-20T22:11:00.000+08:00

上了两周的课，觉得，到目前为止一切还蛮顺利的。只是，Ed Psy，希望大家都会做事。我讨厌只说不做的人。谁不是呢？

想跑步，但不能自己去跑。。（!@$%^&*()）
昨天晓馨、淑芬结伴去跑步。两个字，羡慕。

她们说，念完大三后，一起去毕业旅行，因为念完大四没多久就要被派去学校了。不知到时能不能去。不知到时会不会又拿那些所谓的理由来敷衍我。

希望接下来的课还能那么顺利。老师都还蛮好的。只是不喜欢英文科。重复，也不喜欢只说不做的人。

自甘堕落

2010-09-15T22:44:00.002+08:00

为什么讨厌您的女儿就是自甘堕落？

2010-09-13T09:54:00.000+08:00

我讨厌你不是因为我认为我比你弱。你算那根葱啊！

2010-09-11T14:11:00.002+08:00

上了一星期的课。觉得，好困难。

老师交待作业后，觉得，压力来了。就一星期而已。

原本以为最有把握的翻译，怎么上完了一堂讲堂课，就觉得非常不容易。

现在的心情。心里闷闷的。郁闷。很想大声尖叫！

明天还必须去 kbox。很讨厌！

再见。

2010-09-05T22:32:00.000+08:00

原本明天开学，但因明天的两堂课都是辅导课，所以都取消了。“莫名其妙”地多了一天“假期”，感觉很怪。本来已收拾好心情准备上课，结果这样。感觉很怪。

这星期赶着做了很多事情，
- 《律政新人王》原本想在几天内看完。但还有十几集。
- 《海豚爱上猫》一样。还有三集。原本就不知道该内容是什么。看见有张韶涵的名字就赶紧买VCD。结果只是客串。
- Mitch Albom's For one more day
- Mitch Albom's Have a little faith
- 思源的《多一点快乐，少一点烦恼》
- 橘子的《不爱，也是一种爱》
- 中国通史。一大堆错误，读到后面简直不想读。以为会对即将修的中国通史有用。结果没什么。
- Chicken soup for the couple's soul
哈哈。太有成就感了！

刚才读了鲁迅的《狂人日记》小说集，感慨。有时真不知道他真正要表达的是什么。应该说，真不愧是鲁迅，还是。。。难怪我的现代文学概观会拿C+。后者居多吧！

很喜欢看《爱》！哈哈。

加油！

2010-09-03T20:16:00.000+08:00

下星期一开学了。放了四个月的假，休息了四个月，无所事事了四个月，终于要开学了。有点恐惧，同时，期待。

下学期的学科好难。需多读、多背、少玩乐。这一个学期，要一直上到十二月。刚好在我生日的前几天考完试。纳闷。郁闷。放假两星期，明年一月上第二学期，时间过得好快。

上星期五，和淑芬、晓馨一起去NATAS旅游展询问到韩国的机票、行程、住宿等等。满心期待的与他们讨论要去哪里、可去哪里、住哪里、呆多久等。结果妈妈的一个“不”，就让我顿时从期待变成失望。真的很失望。

刚刚在听一首歌，中国女歌手韩晶的作品，《不要用我的爱来上伤害我》。很喜欢该歌词，也喜欢她的诠释法。喜欢。=)

2010-08-04T17:50:00.003+08:00

因为我不会说话，
所以我关心的人现在非常地恨我。

2010-07-23T22:59:00.000+08:00

I'm so tired these few days.. or weeks. and this is just practicum.

No, I'm not going to go into details about practicum now. I'll leave that till the end of practicum..maybe. I'm thinking about the conversation with Grace (practicum friend) and Mrs Seah back in the Staff Room just now. By the way, Grace was from CCKS and PJC too! We were talking about school systems, principals, stress and all when Grace mentioned the two PJ girls who commited suicide sometime ago. It isn't old news, but some of the details really shocked me. The teacher responsible. Not as in responsible, but in one way or another, he made them all so stressed up and emo. I was really shocked, though I'm not in any way close to the teacher, ..., he left a mark in my JC life as well. You can try guessing but don't ask me. I tried googling the name to see if I can find anything related, but there was none. Not that it is important to me, I just had the desire to know. I know how how true this is though. Oh well.

It makes me think... what kind of stress and emotions could drive someone to desperation, to suicide, to death, or is there something worse? I'm not trying to judge the girls' actions, I'm just trying to figure out what's wrong. Is there something wrong with the education system? with the educators? or with the students themselves? or their parents? the society? what? In schools, teachers answer to their superior. And their superior answers to their superiors. Results. Everyone wants to see results. To the extent that personal developement is neglected. Emotionally and physically. When teachers are pressed for results, when their superiors question their ability when their class cannot perform, teachers turn to their students for help. You know it when teachers go into class with stern expressions and shout at students for the slightest things frequently, I think. Are results really that important? Who can guarantee that getting distinctions in school means succeeding in life? Who can say for sure that those who do well in life came from top schools, had the best results, best CCA performance and all? And I know how students could be really irritating and disturbing at times, because I've experienced all these. But what are teachers really supposed to do?

Teachers and friends warned me about this little boy in this particular Primary 3 class, says he is hyperactive and disobedient and distracting and all. They say that I must really scold him, but a lot of times even when teachers scold, he won't listen. When that happens, you just ignore him. I heard a lot of these comments, but who really sits down and think why he's behaving this way. I've been to his class for four to five times, and I felt that there's something more about this little boy. The first time I went in, he ran out of the class when I wasn't looking. It happened in seconds, I had no time to even react. I had to get the teacher from the next class to look after mine while I went out and search for him. Luckily for me, he was only nearby. After that seeing that he totally couldn't sit down and do his stuff, I sat him down and talked to him. I asked him questions and he just answered. He sat down quietly and chat with me. Even when I walked off to deal with other kids, he did not stand up and run about. Those questions I asked him were basic questions like what's your name, how do people usually address you, what is your favourite food, drink, show, games, whatever. The second, third, forth time I went it, he behaved very well and did not create problems. So why? I guess I was lucky because that time I had the time to sit down and talk to him. I understand that teachers had to teach and achieve their lesson objectives and answer to the subject heads or whoever. But who really cares about what the students are really thinking or going through? Why are they always judging students from the way they behave, and not think about the reasons behind their actions?
...
I don't want to talk about these anymore. It's making me very down.

But I went to PJC website, and looked at the teachers' pictures. =) It makes me happy.

Till then. I'm going to bathe, and then do my practicum reflection.

2010-07-02T21:02:00.000+08:00

我不孤单
有一天变成泡沫
记忆会化作浪花

写不完感想
在白沙滩上
有心的人走过
会听见感人月光

***
Practicum starts next Tuesday, five weeks this time. I'm assigned the afternoon session, Primary 1, 3 and 5. Hope everything goes well. I hope I made the right decision.

I have been slacking at home since 27th April. Not that I don't want to find a part-time job or what, I have my reasons. Oh well, at least I've finished some books. Not that it counts as something "meaningful". Have been reading 《中国通史》. Bought it at the Popular Book Fest. I didn't know that I'm going to take up that module when I bought the book, only realised it when I saw the modules list. Hope that it helps. I just finished up to 隋唐时期, hope I can finish up to the Qing Dynasty before school starts.

By the way, Eclipse tomorrow! Although that's not my favorite among the four, I am so looking forward to it. I know the friends all dislike the twilight series, and I know I am too old for this. It seems. But everyone has their own likes and dislikes. Well, compared to all those secondary school girls who scream and yell or whatever when they see the firm or whoever, at least I'm not like them. I don't scream, neither do I show my liking of the series in front of friends, 'cause I think it's not neccessary. Although I feel uncomfortable when friends say things like "What's so good about it" and such, I guess that's not really important. It's just like Kpop. =)

Well well...

心里的种种情绪，如何用言语表达？

But I know I'm not alone.

明天的故事都是我的...

2010-06-01T02:15:00.000+08:00

I haven't seen somebody as shit as her. Call herself a JC teacher.

Anyway, I was dead tired the past few days. I went out for four days straight, and that totally drained the energy out of me.

Thursday, I met up with Shiling and friends to celebrate Yiting's birthday. We went to 313. I kind of like that place, just second to far east plaza, I think. Bought a black blouse and a pair of drak grey pants for practicum, and that cost quite a bomb.

Friday, I went to the popular bookfest at Expo with Leo, damn, the place was awfully packed, we could hardly move when we reach the place. Just queueing along took us about 1.5 hours. But I was quite pleased with what I bought, pleased with myself too, hoho. I bought eight chinese publications. I totally skipped the English fiction and non-fiction sections, and I'm happy. After that we headed to the John Little Sales which was just next door. Ah Leo bought shirts for work and I finally (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) got my slippers. Then we left. It was 9 plus when I reached home.

Saturday, I went to the Zoo with Ah Leo, it was NHG family day so we got the entry tickets free. The weather was good, I would say, but I was really tired. Halfway through, I started feeling unwell. I love watching the baboons, they are so human-like that I could see myself in them. Well, as in, the behavior and all. And the way they sit, haha, like how I would sit at home. Hoho. Will upload some pics when I'm not lazy. And that free lunch was KFC, love that!

Sunday, went to meet Ah Leo to pass him some stuff, then met up with Kai Ngee. =) It's been so long! We had pastamania for lunch, my all time favourite. Chatted about her work, my studies, and a bit of those random stuff. But it was nice, I think. =) Walked around town before going back. I could almost go to bed and sleep till morning, but I wanted to watch 倚天屠龙记. hehehe.

oh well, anyway, i guess the energy's back after a day of rest. Results would be out in a few days time, and I'm not looking forward. If sem one was bad, sem two was worse. And I'm definitely not looking forward to practicum. I guess it's fear for the unknown, but I don't know...

2010-05-22T23:37:00.006+08:00

Oh, and these. I love BSB songs. They're part of my childhood, just like My Fair Princess. =D

Here are some of my favorites. Hehe.

2010-05-22T23:15:00.001+08:00

By the way, this is what Ah Leo think of me. The ones in white =(

2010-05-22T23:13:00.000+08:00

最近重新迷上了琼瑶小说。哈哈哈！真开心。放假最开心的事就是阅读和能看更多自己爱看的戏。哈哈哈！不久前没了还珠格格（一），虽然已看过两三遍，但这部剧依然能激起那种强烈的感觉。怀念！所谓温故知新，看还珠格格也是如此。谁说看戏就不能有半点好处？至少看完后，我知道了《古从军行》这首诗。嘻嘻。要买还珠（二）！而且想再看《情深深雨蒙蒙》。记得小学时期，常常到图书馆借琼瑶的小说。哈哈。

每次听还珠的歌都想哭。好怀念！

2010-05-17T20:30:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling so guilty now. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry =( =(

2010-05-05T00:46:00.000+08:00

终于放假了。但这几天都过得不是那么充实，就吃喝玩乐这四个字就说尽了一切。

这学期，很辛苦，虽然没上个学期糟。第三、第四年应该会更辛苦吧。

之前，花了一两个星期的时间在备考，感觉很苦。有几次因为太累了，结果搞得身体不舒服。考试的最后一天，考卷做得一般，头突然很痛很痛，很想趴在桌上休息，但还是坚持了。单单头痛还好，但祸不单行，还患头晕。非常晕。当时感觉就像要死掉。头很痛，痛到即使我有很东西要写，也想不到要怎么表达，结果许多要点都没写。考卷收了以后，我就立刻转身告诉诗铃，我的头好晕。几乎站不起来，还好她一路扶着我走出考场。考完试的一两天后，头还会痛。生病，很痛苦。

不知道该说什么了。

2010-04-02T08:56:00.001+08:00

今天好端端的，为什么要是耶稣受难日？

星期一有考试，星期二有测验。但今天、明天、后天都没得读。无奈。

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2010-03-27T13:29:00.001+08:00

这个世界只有我为人人，没有人人为我这回事。

2010-03-27T02:54:00.001+08:00

P/S: 这博克有谁看啊？我自己吗？

2010-03-27T02:20:00.001+08:00

心里有点小小的不开心。就感觉有东西一直在用力抽。
但也不知道是为什么。
有点想念以前。以前的单纯和快乐，那种不被世俗污染的心。（即使我没被污染。。。）

Interactive Johari Window - Describe layjun
The Nohari Window - Describe layjun

不知道教育学院的朋友怎么看我。还蛮想知道的。

好饿。都来不及叹气。

考试快到了。一个月。是一个月后就正是放假，就正式念完大二。时光飞逝，好多时候想停下脚步检讨自己，反省前几天、几个星期、几个月做的事，都发现，自己好像也没完成什么有意义的事，好像什么都没做。就是那种忙了好久好久，但完成后却像什么也没做的感觉。很难受。

转眼就快上大三了。有点想念。大二对我来说可算是非常的痛苦，为功课压抑、狂哭、绝望了无数次，几乎撑不下去了还是要撑，考试前夕头脑空白一片，丢下讲义决定放弃再含泪拾起选择给自己多一个机会。现在想起，都觉得难过。

常告诉自己，教育学院也不错，中文系也不错，那里的朋友也不错。我是知道的，想是我对事要求太高吧。其实在那里我学到蛮多东西的。老师也真得蛮好的。

（《缺月挂疏桐》的呈现终于过去了。因为间中发生了一些事，让我们的进度一拖再拖，也让我感到你一点反感，但听到张爱东老师给的评语后，还蛮开心的，感觉一切辛苦都没有白费。很高兴她看到了我们的努力。）

原本也没有想要说那么多的，但一口气打了那么多。始终是一言难尽。情感始终不能以文字完美诠释。

原归正传。肚子好饿。请勿担心，小女没事儿，只为抒发一点情绪。只是，好饿。

2010-03-26T13:46:00.002+08:00

人生如戏，戏如人生。

何谓真，何谓假？真真假假，实在难以捉摸。

2010-03-19T14:42:00.001+08:00

idiotic colleagues

从几时开始，寄照片比赶作业还重要！

2010-03-19T13:00:00.002+08:00

我真的很累了。

为什么所有作业都必须在同一天呈交？不能在这种时候生病。但我真的支撑不住了。

答应凯妮要陪她看电影，到现在都还没看。

。。。

继续做作业。

2010-03-19T02:00:00.001+08:00

好美的歌词。

张萌萌-解脱
词/曲：张萌萌

空洞的生活如何去补救
嘶声呼喊是否能解脱
昨夜的梦想至今未看到
这个世界告诉我
告诉我还要等多久
还要等多久
白活的年纪如何去补救
一死了之是否能解脱
昨夜的幻想注定没希望
走进地狱告诉我
告诉我会是怎么样
会是怎么样
我曾经奢求
我未曾拥有
我不再渴望
我不会拥有
告诉我地狱是什么样
告诉我地狱的方向
告诉我地狱是什么样
告诉我地狱是解脱的地方
告诉我地狱是怎么样
告诉我地狱的方向
告诉我地狱是怎么样
告诉我地狱是解脱的地方

2010-03-19T00:49:00.000+08:00

I'm under tremendous stress now. ='(

我好像解脱。

2010-03-18T16:02:00.001+08:00

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2010-03-18T01:18:00.001+08:00

韵文的测验过去了。虽然知道自己做得不好（=( =( =(），但结束后还是松了很大的一口气。前两个星期累死了，简直是被那测验搞得生不如死。那种类是无法想象的。是那种心理上的累。

其实是个是很美的，但测验考试当然不一样。但在读的过程还是有些感触。

提及曹植的《七步诗》
煮豆持作羹，漉菽以为汁。
萁在釜下燃，豆在釜中泣。
本是同根生，相煎何太急。

（是我自己打靠记忆打的，不是从网上copy&paste！）

虽说松了一口气，但下星期又有两项作业要完成，还是要赶夜车，最近每天两、三点睡，六点起床，真的很累。

快累死了。也找不到让我完成作业的推动力。